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Day 8: Three things you want to say to three different people.

Can they be anonymous? I’m going to make them anonymous. Ok, two of the three are anonymous.

1. Please stop using your unborn child for attention. I get that you’re scared and that you’re going to give birth while your husband is deployed, but if it was SUCH a big deal… why did you actively try to conceive when you KNEW he was leaving for an eight month deployment?! You made your bed, now stop trying to gather sympathy from everyone.

2. Thank you for making me see that life is short and that I need to tell those that I love just how I feel about them. Thank you for reminding me that there are things in life I cannot control and as hard as I fight them, it’s easier to accept and move on as best I can. I will never forget what you have done to myself and to so many others that loved her, but I am slowly learning to forgive. You had demons to overcome. I feel that you are doing just that. While I will never forget the night you took her from us, I hope that you never forget either. I hope that every time you have a drink you remember her. I hope  our loss and her death caused you to become a better man; to make better decisions.  “Acceptance and tolerance and forgiveness, those are life-altering lessons.” – Jessica Lange

3. Dear AF: Thank you for sending us to, quite possibly, the most beautiful location you could send us within CONUS. I feel very, very lucky to be here and I’m glad TC finally has a mission he enjoys. The past five years have been really hard on him and he needed a good assignment to regain his entusiasm in the military and with flying. It also helps that we’re on the beach and I’m have a really great tan building up. So, thanks for not sucking on this one!!

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I’ve found that there are times in your life that just hurt. Emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically just… hurt. Some of the more painful ones that stick out in my life are as follows:

– Losing my grandmother, twice. She had pretty severe dementia so I lost her mentally when I was about 13 and physically when I was about 16. It hurt. A lot. That woman was as much a part of my upbringing as my own mother.

– The first time I got my time of the month. Ouch. Physically… ouch. I’m going to just leave that one sit here.

– Breaking up with the first boy I ever “loved.” I won’t lie. I still love the boy… but I love the 18 year old version of him. Not the 29 year old version of him. We’re still friends, but it hurt very much to let him go 10 years ago.

– My first ever (and last!) “F” in a class. I’m still very embarrassed by this one, so we’re going to strike this through and not talk about it again… ok? Thanks 🙂

– Watching my brother get married. Wow, that one was way harder than I actually thought it would be. I love my SIL, and while I knew I was gaining a sister, I was also losing my brother. He was and still is a huge part of my life and watching him take care of another girl was tough. (It still creeps me out to see them kiss… ewww…)

– Losing my best friend and mentor to a drunk driver. I can forgive, but I’ll never, EVER forget. (I still love you, Paige!)

– TC and I’s first deployment. It’s hard to love someone so far away with so little communication when you’re not used to it. It’s also easy to love someone who makes you the happiest you’ve ever been in your life and who continues day in and day out to show that he still cares. But some of those nights got really, REALLY lonely.

I recently encountered one more growing pain that’s been tugging at me quite a bit lately. My nieces miss me. More than I really thought they would. For Christmas, I bought my brother and SIL a webcam so we could skype. The girls LOVE this. My SIL loves it because she can now bribe the girls to do their chores or they won’t get to talk. The other night, we skyped and the girls both broke out in tears. They missed me. They missed me coming to see them cheer and tumble at the high school basketball games (they are 11 and 6 by the way… not high schoolers), they missed the dogs coming to play with them, they missed stopping by my house (cause I always had candy and new toys for them to play with.) It’s really hard to watch these two girls that I love so dearly hurt because I’m so far away. I know that one day, they’ll get it, they’ll understand, but right now it hurts.

Maybe a trip to Disney would make them feel better?! Maybe a trip to Disney with them will make me feel better!

Growing pains suck though, and I’m not a fan.

What life lessons have you learned along the way? What are your “growing pains” moments?

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Settling in

Today ends our first week of TC being gone since we moved here. He spent the past seven days at training for the aircraft which left me here… alone. It’s a little intimidating and it’s not something I’m used to. I’ve always had a social network within driving distance. Always. I knew a few people here before the actual move, but overall I felt really alone. It’s scary. The Spouse’s network at our old base wasn’t my cup of tea. The majority of my friends were civilian and I like it that way. My entire life wasn’t military and that made me happy. I got comfortable with my friends, however. I didn’t make new ones and continue to grow my social networks. I didn’t take those steps to incorporate new people into my life. I was comfortable, plain and simple. This week alone has proven to me that I still have the confidence to interact with lots of different people and personalities. I went to a Spouse’s Club lunch, spent some time at the dog park and went to yoga. Oh how I missed yoga. I’m meeting people again and putting myself out there. I almost feeling like I’m dating again, without wondering if they expect me to put out at the end of the encounter.

Settling in is hard, especially when you don’t have kids to break that ice for you. But getting out and getting involved is key. Don’t lose the things you like to do (yoga, gym time, book clubs, whatever you enjoy) just because you’re in a new place. It’s been difficult adjusting but I think I’m getting there. I’ll find my niche again soon, it just takes some effort and a little faith.

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Confession time:

I have a confession to make:

Three rooms in our house are not unpacked. We’ve been here for three weeks. It’s not that big of a deal, they are the three other bedrooms in the house and the boxes stored there currently contain the stuff that will go into those rooms. Needless to say, I’m not rushing in to unpack them.

But… that might have to change. Why? My label maker is in one of the boxes in the room that is to be my office. I’m a list person. I’m a label person. My label maker is an important part of my life. And I have NO IDEA what box it is in. This might have to lead to the unpacking of this room soon…

Why do I need a label maker? I’m finally  getting around to organizing my recipe binder. I purchased this binder from Hallmark a few years ago when I started cooking something other than spaghetti and grilled cheese. It worked pretty well, but the tabs that came with the binder just don’t match what I cook. For example, there’s a tab for meat/poultry but no tab for pasta!?! How can there be no tab for pasta?! But it’s cute, it matches the colors that are in my kitchen (turquoise and brown) and it came with some really cute matching recipe cards. Yes. I did immediately purchase approximately 500 more of these little cards. I can go overboard sometimes.

So this is my project for this evening while I’m NOT watching 30 Rock and The Office. Organizing my recipe binder and rewriting/inserting new recipes that have been highlighted and dog eared in more than one of my cookbooks. By not having cable, my productivity level has gone through the roof…

But I’m still not ready to tackle those bedrooms just yet 😉

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Technology

It’s funny how much I depend on technology. Our new house won’t have internet until Thursday. It’s fine, really. I’ve been forced to read, unpack and actually do things other than play around on the internet.

Our house is also in a dead spot for cell phone service. Not cool. I can’t hold a phone conversation because it randomly drops. It’s getting fixed on Thursday as well… we’ll see how well this fancy contraption actually works.

We use internet and our cell phones for everything. Want to know the scores of the football games? I’ll just look it up on the computer. Or my phone. Nope… no dice. Want to know movie times? I’m sure I can find it online. Nope… sorry. Heck, we even stream most of the shows we watch. We don’t have cable so we stream our favorites and iTunes the rest. I CAN’T DO THAT EITHER!!

I might actually have a mental breakdown by Thursday. However, you will ALL hear a scream of joy when it gets hooked up!

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Sit back and let me tell you the tale of two houses. One holds a special place in my heart. It’s the second actual house I’ve lived in (besides my parent’s house… I’ve always lived in rented apartments.) It’s the house in which my husband proposed to me. It’s the house we brought our little man home to just hours after we adopted him (our dog… sickening, I know.) It’s the house that I could sit in and in a matter of moments, have a friend come over for coffee or wine. It’s the house I came home to after dropping TC off to our first deployment together and NOT feeling incredibly lonely, simply because the house was ours.

The second house is cold and currently full of our boxes and damaged furniture. It’s the house that I’m still, after a week of actually being here, afraid to have more than one door unlocked at the same time. It’s the house I’m desperately trying to make our “home,” but failing magnificently. I know that it will become our home soon. We’ll have loads of memories in this house, just like we had memories in the old house. They will be stronger memories because our relationship keeps getting stronger. Who knows, maybe this will be the house in which we bring home a little bundle of joy (of the human kind, not canine.)

But we have bittersweet progress on the old house. I was ok leaving the house and knowing that it was unsold. That we’d be able to come back and walk around in it and remember memories when we went back for Thanksgiving. But we’re under contract on the house, for just a little less than our asking price. Good that we’re not going to have to deal with two house payments, bad that I’ll never be inside that house again as a owner.

We’re starting over and I’m almost okay with that.

Almost.

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Five things I believe I’ll love about Florida:

1. OMG I LOVE THE BEACH.
2. Seafood that tastes like is real seafood.
3. Sunscreen. I love the smell of sunscreen and since I burn just thinking about going out in the sun, I’ll constantly smell like sunscreen.
4. Golf. You can golf all but about 1.5 months out of the year I’m told.
5. Good beer: Yuengling and Landshark. Yum 🙂

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